We’ve Been Back In Legacy Reality for Two Months. Here’s 7 Things That Still Suck
People often ask us what happened after we were acquired by Google. We can assure you it is a long boring story, full of regulation, red tape, and “corporate betrayal,” which is soon to become a hit Netflix series. Until then, we’re happy to share the nitty gritty with anyone who asks. But please don’t ask us, because we’re tired of re-living the agony again and again, and — besides — it might well violate the terms of our NDA. So let’s talk about something else instead, like Legacy Reality, and how shitty it still is, even after all this “time” and “innovation.”
Now two months into our glorious return to Legacy or “Fiat” Reality, we’ve spent a good deal of time reflecting on how best to write a series of complainy tweets about how shitty it is here, and how we don’t deserve to be treated like this because we’re better than everyone. But since Twitter “deleted our account” because of our radical animist political beliefs, we decided to write this medium-length diatribe with listicle instead.
What can we say, venturing back into Legacy Reality, where your thoughts don’t even control matter, is — to say the least — “not easy” for beings as elevated as us. You enter not knowing what you’re supposed to do, and you’re rarely presented with an insightful, well laid-out employee handbook. How screwed up is that?
We thus share our mournful sojourn in Legacy Reality not to downplay the many amazing achievements of Early Clues Labs — which are thoroughly amazing. We don’t enjoy being bored, but believe that it’s okay to monetize it if you are, which is why we’re paying huge crypto bonuses to bored and boring people to understand what “makes them tick,” by forcing them to read our articles and upvote our many tantalizing listicles.
We also know that not pretending your company isn’t the best gets you right back into the Outer Darkness of social media obscurity. So here we are. That’s why we always say, “Be the vaporware you want to see in the world.”
The Listicle Part You’ve Been Scrolling Down For
Things that still suck about Legacy Reality, even after leaving it and returning from hyper-dimensional space, from which perspective we were able to peer down into the “True Essence of Things” and complain about them.
- Support for mind-UI control of matter still very glitchy. wth.
- Death & taxes still inevitable. Not very “quantum,” y’all.
- People are still dicks. Still? hfs.
- “Passion” doesn’t seem to count for diddley-squat if it’s not directly redeemable for huge crypto rewards which may compound in value or disappear altogether in an instant.
- World not yet governed by council of benevolent AI’s from outside time. (OR IS IT??)
- Gutbloom still not Medium’s VP of Product.
- Early Clues articles still not funny.
