Well, We’re Back. Did We Miss Anything?
It seems like only five hundred and fifty-five light years ago or so that a young, naive, Early Clues, LLC held our first and last going out of business hyper mega-sale, as a result of our many failed corporate mergers and acquisitions, which were absolutely not our fault, because we actually “won by a lot” if anyone would just go back and “look at the numbers.”
With the money we made selling our copious, yet coffee-stained, office furniture (about $35), we bought a one way bus ticket out of the fabulous downtown Tri-Cities self-storage unit we had been squatting in, and out of Legacy Reality for good.
Or so we thought.
It turns out that once you leave behind the vagaries of Legacy Reality, you enter into a whole other realm of vagaries, each of which is in turn progressively more vague than the last... And, what’s more: though you might *think* you’re through with the Outer Darkness, the Outer Darkness might not be totally through with you. Perhaps maybe not ever!
Needless to say, while we were disconnected from this plane of existence, we weren’t able to receive any of the many push notifications, mentions, or airdrops which our many adoring fans, well-wishers, and anxious copycats were no doubt constantly sending our way via their “thoughts & prayers.” Nor were we able to keep up with whatever passed for “news” in this sector. So we have literally no idea of what may or may not have happened here since we left. And for that, we are truly sorry. We promise to “make it all up to you.” (Not a legally binding promise.)
Anyway, despite a rather bumpy ride during our time away, and what seemed like an endless imprisonment after our capture by roving bands of Timehunters, we are pleased to announce that we have crash-landed on our feet (or someone’s feet, anyway — not quite sure whose).
We’ve managed to secure a hundred-and-one year lease on a wonderful hundred-and-one year old COVID-friendly office space in the Gaslight District which we’re just dying to not bring our dogs or kids to, as our company plans to remain fully remote forever, from inside our well-appointed offices, which we promise all our employees will remain fully stocked with “healthy snacks,” and “lunchtime massages” which everyone will be able to avail themselves of virtually in the form of symbolic “digital collectibles” (non-redeemable for actual snacks or massages), at any time day or night (except between the hours of 1–11), provided they have enough tokens (which we control the limited supply of), and their social media credit score remains high enough, as a result of only holding and expressing apolitical company-approved opinions online.
It’s good to be back.
Until next time, we’ll VC-ing you!
